I have been on my spiritual journey from birth and I have known about things without fully understanding or knowing where the information came from.
It took me many years on my self-discovery journey to understand what I knew and most importantly to find out who I was and then to rid myself of who I wasn’t.
Living in a dysfunctional family causes us to have poor developmental skills and clear mindset to make good choices. I learned about me through those who triggered me, to show me who I was through their mirroring of me to me.
What we see in others is in us and those around us are our gifts to discover who and what we are. That is probably not our true self. Because if we are affected by what we see in others, it’s something we need to become aware of in ourselves and heal this aspect of ourselves that’s not serving us.
I blamed and accused others of doing wrong by me. Remember though from ages 0-7 this is where you are formed as a person. And not many of us remember this period of our lives.
However, as I took responsibility for my own actions I started to understand myself and realised all was within me. Identifying my shortcomings, I learned about the perception I took on that created the behaviour, habit and beliefs of my family as well as me linking in to the patterns and programming’s of my family. I was so entrenched in all of what was going on in my family because I was a very observant child I had to make sense of my world through a child’s point of view. In our family we weren’t instructed on how to decipher what was going on in our family. This can happen too many of us in our early childhood conditionings. Nonetheless, I gradually took responsibility for what was mine and it is yours. Remember it’s your perception of what was going on so it’s yours. You may point the finger of blame however it’s yours now to deal with.
So by making clear choices to change my ways, I grew as a person. I learned not to judge others, and my catch phrase was ‘If I judge others I am but judging myself’. I learned to look within from what was been reflected back to me then I owned it. And once I owned it, it disappeared.
A spiritual life is a constant working on the self and becoming a better person. The journey is a journey of self-discovery and healing. It’s not about becoming a saint. I’m not a saint; I am still a moody, angry person at times and I get annoyed. I’m still learning lessons that are being presented to me, however in awareness I can now say ‘what’s this I need to look at?’ I will ask myself questions around the subject that’s been presented to me until I get my answer. And amazingly, once I see the answer and where it is in me; those involved move on and disappear out of my life or we encounter a whole different relationship.
At our core is a lot of hidden stuff and it can take a lot of digging to get to the initial core issue. Remember, you are not one core issue. You are a complex, layered person with a lifetime of ups, downs and changes. As well as carrying trauma, hurts, fears and perceptions of your world.
We have been programmed, conditioned and suggested to all our lives. We have followed in the footsteps of our role models. Hence we have taken on others people’s stuff, from conception to birth and onwards. And how many of us remember our childhood?
Unfortunately this has all started from conception. We have been hearing and learning all stresses or thoughts, feeling and upsets of our mothers. Not to blame her however, she was carrying a live, thinking human in her womb and how close is that to you in there. You would have picked up on all that was happening in her surrounds. Any stresses in her environment, you felt. So we have been building a perception of our world from the womb but this perception is not necessarily our truth or related to our true self.